Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Laying low... real low

Haven't posted in a few days. Been laying low. Working on my house. Fixing up the yard. Bought a new art desk to help me work easier and free up time for creativity. Hitting the gym and preparing for my next round of shoots and my upcoming trip to New Orleans for Southern Decadence.

Recent events have cause me to retreat back into my cave and roll the boulder back over the opening.

The fucking asshole stalker who keeps posting and calling me an aids infected alcoholic whore with no regards for anyone else upset me more than I cared to admit. I mean... the fucking douchebag could not be more wrong about... all of that... but it still sucks to be hit with that. And not only on my blog... on other sites. He's been stalking me on Twitter as well. So I haven't been posting anywhere. I went ahead and put "comment moderation" on this blog so sorry if your comments do not appear until I review them. It's the soulless, dickless stalker you have to blame about that. It's probably a good thing though because it might prompt me to respond more to comments on here.

It seems the more "popular" I get... which basically means, the more my photo appears on some random sex hook-up site without me getting paid for their use thanks to porn advertisers... the more venom that gets spewed my way.

In P-town I had a friend of a friend come up to me after we hung out the day before, and say...

"I always just judged you by the friends that hung around you. I'm glad I got a chance to actually hang out with you because you are a really good guy."

Awww.... flattering and nice to hear!

That night, drunk and high off his ass, he stomps over to me at a club and says...

"You will never have a boyfriend. Never."

"Huh? What?"

"Because you do porn." You will never have a boyfriend because you did porn."

I explain how I'm 47 years old, it's just a part-time job, and that if a guy that I was dating didn't like the porn stuff, I would quit in a minute and get a part-time job somewhere else.

"You will never have a boyfriend" was his response.

After he repeated it about 6 more times and then said...

"Can I put my dick in your ass?"

I left the club, went back to my room, and crawled into bed. Ugh.

I'm not looking for anything from anyone. I'm always the one taking care of everyone. Why do people have to come at you with hate? It fucking sucks.

I'm keeping the boulder in front of the cave for a couple more days. I'll roll it back Thursday morning so I can get on my flight to New Orleans. Hopefully, there will not be any "friends" with messages of the hopeless doom of my boyfriend hopes and hopefully there will be no scumbag, chickenshit stalkers. Although... I kind of wish I would run into one of them... face to face. Cause I'm tired of being fucked with. I'm about ready to kick someone's fucking ass right about now.


bill.george said...

New fan here, sorry about the stalker crap. It simply shows your popularity as an actor and how there is goods and bads to that popularity. Anyways, just know that he's worse off because he knows that deep down, he has nothing else to do besides tear down someone else's name for pure harassment. Keep up your work, you are amazing in your movies and of course I have to say, you are extremely handsome. Anyways, have fun and keep up the good work

Damien said...

I want to take you by the hand.
Pop you in comfy chair.
Cook you my famous pasta sauce.
Give you a big bowl of that with s nice glass of Australian cab sav.
"not talk".
The go to bed. To sleep. Spoon - us tubbs are good off that.
Wake up in the morning. Give u a snuggle to wake u.
Then ket you know it will be all fine.
Coz it will.
It is a moment in time.
And sometimes they hurt.


Jambrea said...

(((hugs))) I think you should take Damien up on his offer. :D I'm sorry you have to deal with all this and it sucks that people can be so hateful. Just remember that us loyal blog fans are here for you. You lay low for as long as you need and you know we're good with the moderation. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable and happy. :) I'd offer up my services for comfort as well, but I have the wrong bits. :D Just know...we're here for you.

keeprnla said...

Sorry for your pain. This to shall pass, hopefully sooner rather than later. If you have some down time in NO and want to experience some neighborhood fare, I suggest the turtle soup at Mandina's on Canal St. Ask for sherry when served. A splash in the soup will finish it. Let me know if you have any other special intrests, I lived in the city before Katrina.

alleen said...

Dear Nick,
You know a lot of people are crazy, the just want to hurt others.You are just one who is not only beautiful on the outside but even more on the inside. It is very special that you share all the good and bad things in your live with us. So roll back that boulder and show those men and evil persons your back, be yourself, you are to nice to sit inside. Big hugs, and have a nice and save trip.

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear that things are so bad for you at the moment. I'm sure that they will get better soon.

Just remember that the only opinions that really count are from the people who matter to you and not some weirdo who has no life!!

Take care

Bisous from France

Dino said...

It always good to retreat and take some me time especially if you are being attacked what it seems from all sides.
Hopefully ignoring the stalker will cease their need to be "in" your life.

And for that P-town friend.... he sounds jealous and a jackhole. His opinion isn't worth a second thought. Love will find you, just keep your heart open to it.

Tell your relationship "mother" to put away the Silver Dagger.


Pick said...

Hey Nick,

So sorry you're being hounded and treated badly. You know we'd all get together and beat those guys up for ya if we knew who they were. lol

Actually, better yet ... let's volunteer them for a heavy scene on BoundGods! Sounds like they need a little public humiliation to teach 'em a lesson.

Pick said...

Oh yeah, forgot to say ... if those pix are an example of how you "Lay low" ...keep doin' it. You look superb! *Lick lick slurp saaaalurp!*

Triston said...

Oh Nick..Just forget about that jackhole..You are a really great guy and I think people see that and they say..I am going to F him over because of that.. I think from fondly of you and love reading what you have on your mind. BIG HUG ..

*Hope to see you out at Rosies sometime..we'll have a big drink. ")
cheer up

BritParis said...

Hi Nick. I've been reading your blog for a few months here in Paris, and really like it.

You really wear your heart on your sleeve and reveal a lot about yourself and your FAB body !

There are a lot of jealous guys out there. The fact that you do porn is a big turn-on for a lot of us plus your intelligent which is more important and obviously have a sense of humour. Unfortunately, if you bare your soul in a public space some people will get nasty. Its horrible but true.

Much earlier in your blog you talked about sorting your life/head out and the books that you've read. There is one book which you may know about "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Its fantastic and when one is in his mid 40's like we are, what this book has to say is great. (Just a note. It takes a little bit of re-reading to really get the jist, but once you're in, it really helps. It's helped me deal with being HIV+)

Anyway, anyway, anyway. I'll shut up now. Think the blog is great and I love following your adventures. And if someone doesn't like it "Fuck-em!" as we say in the UK (and I don't mean in the ass lol)

Take care, Kevin

Sonja said...

Hi Nick,
you really can forget this idiot, but I know by myself that saying this is easier than doing. But time does help. Some people seem not to know what to do with their time, so they are tormenting others.

I agree with Pick, you really look geat in these pictures.

xoxo from Germany

Unknown said...

Nick, I've been reading your site for the past few months. The thing about you that I think stands out most noticeably is your loyalty to your friends and animals. I think that speaks directly to your character. You must have a good heart or you wouldn't worry and care so much for either group. Regarding the stalker, I know it must be frustrating but you must realize that it has to be some pathetic jealous little troll. Most men half your age would kill to be in the kind of physical condition you are in. I know I am. I'm a little older than you but certainly don't have your looks. But, I also understand from reading your blog, its something that you work very hard to maintain. That requires the discipline some of us don't have. Good for you is what I'm trying to say. Bottom line is this, I think you're working part-time in an industry that draws a lot of jealousy and pettiness from many directions. I think you should continue to surround yourself with your friends who have been your friends for a while not those that simply want to "put their dick in your ass." You seem to have a good heart. Be kind to yourself.

Anonymous said...

Envy - that is what I guess is lying at the base of the sad stalker and that idiot in P town.

They are envious of you and it spills over into being hurtful and mean and (for the stalker) weird obsessive behaviour.

You are better than both of them - better than anyone who talks to you that way or treats you that way.

I can't claim to know you, but what I see of you in here is a sweet, thoughtful man who cares about his life and his friends. Yes I love your porn, but that's just one part of what you do and who you are.

What I see is a good man with integrity.

Victor said...

Hi Nick, hope you're doing fine by now.
I guess I'm able to comprehend the situation you are in... along with popularity comes jealousy and some things that just make us feel bad.

But, for the most incredible it may sound, you should be feeling satisfied 'cause it's a sign that you're doing a great job and still a guy everyone's caring about.

Keep doing whatever pleases you and don't worry because you will find someone to share all the good times.

Hugs from Brazil!

Stan said...

Your love, care and treament for your pets and animals was all the proof I needed to know you are a good person.
You also are a valued good friend to all who let you in.
If I met someone and fell for a guy who did or does porn why would that matter to me if I really liked them? But that's just me.

Ms.Delva said...

Hey Nick!! Sorry to hear about your troubles with the stalker. He's obviously an asshole but what can you do really. My Mom always tells me that if a person has to go that far out of their way just to talk down to you, then your obviously important to them, or else they wouldn't say anything.

You are either the person they wish they were or you have something they wish they had. They are taking their own issues they have with themselves out on you. I know how you feel though, to want to just go and kick all their asses, but it's not worth the stress because as soon as they go away there will be another and another... . There's always someone next in line and no matter what you do there's always going to be that someone who hates on you, and when that happens I just remember what my mom always tells me and take it in stride and move on. So just be who you are and don't dwell on the negative because as you can see here there are PLENTY of fans who care about you!


G-Baby said...

Oh big guy, you're just killing me - Everything everyone has said on the blog is so true, what can I say? The old saying of what doesn't kill us makes us stronger must have been said with you in mind. Keep the faith, not everyone should have their jaw wired shut! Take care of yourself, you are a very important part of our lives and as you can see you matter very much to us - Love ya

Anonymous said...


Been reading your blog for months but have not written. This one touched me.

As fun as it is to glimpse into your part-time professional in-front-of-the-camera life . . . What keeps me coming back is seeing/hearing about your animals and how you relate to them. That is, getting a glimpse of your heart.

Thanks for putting yourself out there so openly, physically and even more so emotionally.

But also please be careful emotionally.

I think there is a reason why celebrities protect their privacy. They also get paid enough to put up with it and to literally put walls up around their home and between strangers, stalkers, and "friends." I venture, porn does not pay like that. So, you've got to protect yourself from people knowing too, too much. Because what they know about you could unfortunately hurt you. I hate to say this because I enjoy your blog so much.

Don't let them in unless you know them - whether in the physical world or your virtual/media world.

As for finding a boyfriend.... A guy would be a hypocrite not to date you, as we all watch porn. And, if they are a hypocrite, you don't want to be around them anyway. Now, they'd have to be secure and you probably don't want to be with an insecure guy anyway.

You will find a guy one day . . . Just be open to the possibility that he will be like no one you ever expected. (I ended up with a tall guy, even though I'm short and only use to date other short guys.)

I live in SF but am originally from FLL. You'll have your pick in FLL as we seem to all end up there. ;-)

in SF

Jacob said...

Hey Nick. Been really attracted to you after watching you on Boundgods. Just found out about your blog few weeks back.

This post has been real depressing, especially for you. I agree with what Damien says. If only I can do that for you.

But cheer up Nick. You're a great man, please don't be kicked down by this jealous idiot. You are way better than he is, ignore his comments please. Because you are the best and you deserve the best.

Hope to see you more cheerful in your next post(:

Stay strong bro. Cuz whatever that can't kill you will make you stronger.


jinx, scotland said...

It sounds to me like both the guy in the club and the stalker eejit (Scottish for idiot!) are the ones who have the sad lives. It's easy to say and hard to do, but they are bullies, and best ignored. You look fabulous, well done on all the work you do to look that way, although I'm sure you would be gorgeous anyway - the eyes and the grin.....sigh. You come over (as it were) on your blog as a really lovely man. Anyone who cares about his friends and his animals so much is a good guy. Some day you will meet someone who deserves you. He will be a very lucky man.

Considered yourself hugged!

Jinx xxx

wdavi said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. Chin up, and don't let them get you down.

Anonymous said...

Importunely like a lot of sheep that seem to bunt and push those around them who do not follow the cliffward way this wayward has latched onto to you for everything he desires and lack. Most notable the freedom of a moral concience. You my dear fellow are reasonable, intelligent and deserve the right of us all to do with you body as you pleas. For my part I owe a debt of gratitude for what ever small participation I am allowed voyeuristic or other.. I Value you and the niche you play in society. One inspiration and courage and simple ingenuity. So the bitch cant have what you have, tough tittles.. Wish I could too but I’d ask a lot nicer….lol, Love ya guy . Keep up the good work. I know it won't mean much bu I would love to ge your boy friend. Seem like a great guy with lots going for him

Anonymous said...

Importunely like a lot of sheep that seem to bunt and push those around them who do not follow the cliffward way this wayward has latched onto to you for everything he desires and lack. Most notable the freedom of a moral concience. You my dear fellow are reasonable, intelligent and deserve the right of us all to do with you body as you pleas. For my part I owe a debt of gratitude for what ever small participation I am allowed voyeuristic or other.. I Value you and the niche you play in society. One inspiration and courage and simple ingenuity. So the bitch cant have what you have, tough tittles.. Wish I could too but I’d ask a lot nicer….lol, Love ya guy . Keep up the good work. I know it won't mean much bu I would love to be your boy friend. You Seem like a great guy with who knows his own mind nd how to enjoye a tough world lots going for him Thank you for letting us enjoy you!!!

Can't find my long in right now but I'm Stevenwrite. Enjoy

Michelle M. said...

Your blog always leaves me wishing I could hug you especially, lately. I hate that you have attracted the attention of some jack ass who has nothing ging on in his life. I also hate that someone said you'd never have a boyfriend cause you do (or have done) porn.

That is so not true...you are a beautiful soul at least that is the feeling I get from reading your blogs and if people want to magnify their stupidity well I guess we can't help that but please please nick...try not to take their words to heart. They don't matter.

Yes, I know it is easier said than done. One insult can usually cancel out a dozen compliments for me...so if your anything like me you may be feeling raw for a few days. I wish you saw yourself as others see you (THE ONES WHO MATTER-not the stupid ones) We think you are wonderful.

Do you really want a boy friend who doesn't accept you for who you are porn and all? NO...so you be choosy, Nick. Do what makes you happy regardless of what it is and he will come...

xoxxox Michelle M

Anonymous said...

Hey ...it's Vic...from the gmail (ilikeupat@gmail.com)
I knew I got you...I totally know how you are feeling...and you and I think very much alike! When i read your blog...just random cuz i liked your shoots.....i was like...WOW...dude has a brain and a soul!!!
Guys like us....have a real hard time navigating the gay world! It's cold and harsh out there!!!
Stay down as long as you have to!
Feel it.....and grow from it!!
Surround yourself with others like you...and enjoy the sense of belonging.......we are a rare breed Mr. Man...we are a rare breed indeed! BTW...why the need to post pictures of your HUGE cock when your feeling low? You are so much more then that! Don't use that to make yourself feel better!
You are an amazing person...and I don't even know you...use that...remind yourself of that...to feel better!
Shoot me an email...love to do more of this in "private"....(ie single readers...iee..you and me)

Alias74 said...

NICK...please don't the words and behavior of CRAZY people change how you feel about life and yourself! I have been and continue to be a huge fan of yours...just because you do porn doesn't mean you aren't human! I'm tired of this notion that porn performers are somehow damaged or cheap, lowly individuals! It just boggles the mind...
Please don't let these people get to you...you are strong, beautiful and amazing! I'd marry you in a heartbeat!

Anonymous said...

Dear Nick, i am not very into porn. sometimes i take a look and yes, it turns me on then. I am also not very interested in porn stars, that means i do not care for what they do else in their lifes although it's clear they have other things than making porn movies. Porn busines seems to me very functional and linear. (Similar to models). But as i read a few entrys in your blog i was very surprised and touched about your thoughts, the simplicity and honest way how you talk about your feelings and live. I like that, more than anything you can do in a porn movie. You are very sensitive and close to yourself. In short: you must be a notably and nobel person. I'll keep reading from time to time! Yours Goran (Please excuse my english it's not my native language)

Unknown said...

I know it hurts, but I have always believed that if people are taking pot shots at you it should tell you that you're doing something right. Keep up the good work, Nick. You're a good person with many talents.

Unknown said...

people are dumb. u do what makes u happy. if That is doing porn. who ever wants to be with u will have to respect what u do. i think u do great work and from ur blog u seem like a cool.

keeprnla said...

Hope you're having a great time in NO. We haven't had weather this pleasant since April. Take care.

Bruno Laliberté said...

you're giving these folks way more power than they deserve. you set your goals in life and set your own path. if some disagree with your choices, they're not meant to be anywhere near you. good luck to you!!

Anonymous said...

Hello there , the remarks that guy made to you were more about him than you. He assuageing his ego by saying those things to you. It's rather transparent how much he envys you . Just look for the light in the chaos . You allready have so much light in you it's beautiful. It's not easy what you do . I'm not talking about your part time job. I don't really know but I think your very brave to bear your thoughts on here that takes a lot of courage . Just do your best to share your light with others and not be so reactionary and your light will shine that much brighter and bring you that much closer to being at peace with yourself and the universe . Ps I think your awesome

Anonymous said...

nick moretti..
u relly handsome...
can i play with u...
i m a asia boy...

Y said...

Nick cheer up,buddy!
Life is too short to be wasted on paying attention to some strangers assholes who even don`t know you personally.Are they prophets or something to know what will happen in your life and what not?No,they are just jealous people who want to upset you and I`m angry they did it.
I know a single stinging word or a sentense can hurt you a lot.But they can`t kill you moreover when you know they are not true.The only thing that could kill you now is if we all,your fans and friends gave you a big hug all of us at the same time;)

Hope you are already feeling better!

Robert A. Geise said...

(I'm a bit late for this... been off the grid a bit myself.)

The proper response to someone who says to you, "You will never have a boyfriend because you do porn," is "You'll never have a boyfriend because you're an asshole." And if he then had the gall to say, "Can I stick my dick in your ass?" you say, "Get bent."

You are better off mitigating the stalker situation as best you can with things like moderating comments. Don't give him the satisfaction of letting others see his comments. He's longing for attention; you're probably better off not even talking about him, ever. He feels vindicated if you respond to his vitriol. That's what he's looking for. Your gut reaction may be to defend yourself, but there is no defense that will satisfy him, and that's really what it's all about.

Hugs to you.

keeprnla said...

Just want you to be alright. Update comments by one. Doesn't need to be this one.

Stephen said...

Sorry to hear about your problems with the stalker and the other freaks! Sadly there are people out there who don't think before they speak. It seems that many of these people who have been saying hurtful things to you are not able to separate the man who is performing in porn movies from the real man who shares so much of himself with his fans via this blog. You come across on here as a sweet, sexy guy with a big heart.
Lay low for as long as you need. Your fans understand.
All the Best!

G-Baby said...

Hey there - just posting to let you know I miss hearing about your day - hope you're doing better and really look forward to coming back to us (you might want to delete this from your post it's just a note to say I care) - love ya

keeprnla said...

OK, here's a guy who blogs every 3-5 days. It has been over a week and your last entry was rather dark. I'm no cyber stocker, just conserned for another humanbeing who may have hit a rough patch. Just update comments by one if you've got the support you need.

All this may be for not. You may have gone to NO, had a great time and are just catching up and recovering.

Take care.

Cap'n Porksword said...

Wow. All I can add is my support to everyone else's comments. Your blogs make people happy so please don't stay in the cave too long. But enjoy the safety and comfort while you're in there!

Anonymous said...

From what I have only seen from your blog and porn work is that you seem like a guy that has his head on straight and would be a good guy to have as a friend.

Never did know why people think they can feel free to come up and say the unkindest, thoughtless things that come into their heads.

So try not to take it so to heart, that is a difficult thing about being a public figure, personally I hope you find a great guy, you sound like a sweet man who deserves it.