Send me a sign

So yesterday's "Win a date with a Porn Star" event was... Hell, I don't know how it was.

The organizers didn't organize it. Tim, Matt, Luke and I hung out and waited for it to start and after about 2 hours Tim went to find out what was up. Nothing was up. One of the guys running the thing got up from his lunch, grabbed the "Brief Encounters" videos that we were giving away, and ran to the stage. He really did a great job hosting the thing but I guess he didn't know it was a fund raising event. So he introduced us, one by one, and shouted out "Who wants a video and this Porn Star". First Matt, then Luke (Damn can he work a crowd!), then Tim and then me. When someone raised their hand he called them to the stage and we handed them the video and gave them a hug... or a hump... or whatever they were in the mood for. No mention of a date or anything. It really was a lot of fun even if we didn't raise any money.

Unfortunately, the day went downhill quickly from there. Most of my friends were leaving for the Sea Monster (they have a great T-Dance on Sunday) and I got in my truck and pulled away. I got to the light and my ex pulls up next to me. I think he could have burned a whole through me with the look he gave. My heart sank and that was it for me. I was tired anyway, so I decided to head home and do my food shopping, some more house cleaning, and meditate before bed.

I tried not to obsess about the ex encounter, but it was my third one that weekend. Almost 8 years and he didn't want to go out with me. Now that we're not together he is out all the time. And going to the places he knows I will be at when I'm there. So I've been trying not to go out to avoid running into him. I'm not ready for that. I don't know if I ever will be.

The first encounter was when I went to do a favor for one of his friends. I was lost finding the house and passed by his car. The second time was on Saturday night. I went out to dance by myself for a couple of hours at a place I knew he would not be at and someone came up to me and said "I just saw your boyfriend dancing at Jackhammer." I responded with, "You know he's not my boyfriend anymore." "Ya... I know", he said. "And you know we ended on bad terms... right?" "Ya" he responded. "So why the fuck would you come over and tell me where he is and what he is doing?" He laughs. "I don't think it's funny. In fact, if you could make it a point to never mention him again... or better yet, just never speak to me again when you see me out, that would be great." I punched the wall behind his head and walked away. It was the kind of place where you could punch a wall and not look out of place.

So after the "Win a date" thing I went to the supermarket near my house. It's depressing there. It's close to a HUGE old age community and everyone there is over 80 years old. Seriously. It's like night of the living dead as the old people shuffle along, pushing their carts or accidentally shuffling along with your cart. And they are usually fighting with each other or the store clerks. And they fart. They fart a lot. And shopping alone always gets to me. It reminds me that I am alone. Thank God for the dog. She got the food she likes (this week) and some new Oatmeal Shampoo. As I shopped I tried to put myself in a better mood. I prayed. I pray a lot actually. I told God... the Universe... whatever energy you want to insert here... that I trusted him and that I knew that whatever happens is meant to be. That whatever suffering I am feeling is something that I have to go through to get to a better place. I would follow the lead of the Universe. And I also asked if he could throw me a little bone. Just to let me know I was right in what I was thinking.

About 10 minutes later I walked out of the store, pushing my cart full of soy milk, soy chicken, soy corn dogs and soy meatballs (Ya... I eat a lot of soy). As I pushed the cart towards my truck I glanced up in time to see a huge streak of light go across the sky. It was beautiful. It started at the bottom with a deep, glowing red, then a bright orange that faded to a bright yellow and then a very bright white. At first thought I had lost my mind, but then I occurred to me that the Space Shuttle was supposed to launch this weekend. I've seen it from the highway during the daytime, but seeing it in the evening was just amazing. Just beautiful. It reminded you of how big we are that we can actually propel ourselves into space. And how small we are in that the space we explore is so infinitely smaller than the Universe as a whole. It was awesome. It was just what I asked for.

Funny how things like that fade so quickly. Amazing events turn into just something that happened a short while ago. Then into a vague memory. Life's worries race right back in and take center stage. They demand the focus of your intention. By the time I was unpacking my bags at home I was obsessing again. Not a thing I wanted to continue. So I made myself a salad and some "Asian Soy Patties" and I sat on the couch with my dog as I ate dinner. I thought about the good things in my life and the things I could do to stop me from obsessing. I remembered that I took a picture of the Shuttle launch with my iPhone and I sent it to my email to post later. You can see the photo at the top of this post. Then I cleaned up, let the dog out, and set the bed for sleeping. Cynder and I hoped in, I switched on my iPod Nano and listened to a meditation on healing. On letting go of hurt and anger. I can't say it did the job one hundred percent, but it got me through the night. Sometimes that's good enough.

And it's a beautiful day today. The kind of day you only find in South Florida in the Spring. Sunny and warm. It's hard to feel sad during these days. I keep telling myself that.

What would you pay for a date with Nick Moretti?

Today is the Fort Lauderdale AIDS Walk. I always donate to this great charity and I usually try to volunteer as well. Last year some of the Fort Lauderdale "Porn Posse" volunteered as a group and we handed out water at the halfway point. The first picture shows some of us before the deluge of walkers arrived at our spot. (Matt Rush, Eddie Diaz, Tim Kelly and I with good friends Beto and Robert are featured in that picture.) We all had a great and fun day!

This year, besides donating to a couple of friends who are walking I'm volunteering again. But this year is different. After the walk they are holding a big T-Dance at Rosies a very popular bar restaurant. During the day they will be having contests, raffles and auctions to raise more money for the charity. One of the auctions will be "Win a date with a Porn Star". Yup... my ass is up for auction! Well, maybe not my ass. I guess that depends how the date goes. (Just kidding of course.) So far it looks like Matt Rush, Tim Kelly, Luke Riley and Nick Moretti will be the 4 "prizes" to bid on. Should be fun! I hope I go for a good price. I don't think my ego could use another shot right now.

The second picture is a photo of how I spent my entire day yesterday. It was my first weekend in town without working in a very, very long time. So I took the opportunity to do much needed yard work. I cut back a bunch of rubber trees. DAMN is that hard work. (The second photo shows the pile of branches in front of my house. It's bigger than my truck!) They had grown so tall that they reached higher than the powerlines. All this while sticky sap pours out and covers your body. Now, usually I wouldn't complain about having a white, sticky substance sprayed on me, but this stuff sucks! It fuses to your skin and hair. And I'm covered with hair. Think I'm going to be getting that crap off me for weeks. The worst part about doing a day's worth of yard work is that my hands are killing me today. I have pretty bad arthiritis in my hands and feet (it's hereditery) and today my hands are red, stiff and swollen and hurt like hell. I hope they don't notice at the auction today. I'm sure arthiritic Porn Stars go for a greatly discounted rate.

Round 4 - Winner takes it all

After 3 illegal moves, and various broken bones and sprains, I'm declared the winner. That means I get what I want. And what I want is Tyler's ass. Actually, I would have taken anything Tyler wanted to give me. Honestly, I don't think I would be complaining too much if I lost the match. Tyler is one of the hottest men I know!

So I force him to his knees and made him suck my dick. Then I feast on his beautiful ass, getting it nice and ready for me. Although we had done several scenes together before, we had never fucked before. Damn was it worth the wait!

Of course after we were done things went down hill pretty quickly. Tyler had to fly out so I went and met my good friend Bo Matthews for dinner. I was hoping Tyler could have joined us because it would have been the first time the three of us were together since the scene we did together in "Link - The Evolution". By the time I got to the restaurant I was in an unbelievable amount of pain. Every part of my body hurt. My foot was already turning black and swelling and I could hardly breathe without being in excruciating pain. I took 800mg of Motrin and had a glass of wine. It didn't help. After dinner we walked back to Bo's place and he gave me a great massage. He was afraid to even touch me since I was in so much pain, but he really worked out a lot of the soreness, especially in my legs.

Later that night I was on the plane back to Fort Lauderdale finally resting. When we landed and it was time to get off I found that I could barely lift myself from the seat. My foot was now so swollen I couldn't even fit my sneaker back on. I got my bag from the overhead compartment and shuffled out of the plane and through the airport. I didn't think I was going to make it. Outside the airport my friend Tim (Tim Kelly) was waiting to pick me up. I collapsed into his car and proceeded to tell him the whole story. It only confirmed his theory that I am crazy.

Till this day I am still not fully healed from the match. Do I have any regrets? HELL NO! It was an AWESOME experience! I truly believe that when you finally draw your last breath in this world, the thoughts "I wish I would have..." should not run through your head. You only live once and you when the opportunity to challenge yourself comes up... take it! Would I do it again? No way! But, then again, maybe it's like childbirth. After a while you forget the pain and only remember the good times and the outcome. Ask me that question again in a couple of months.

Round 3 - The Slip-N-Slide of Doom

Here we are at Round 3. This time they decide to add the element of water to the mix. Like it wasn't hard enough without it! The water was a comfortable temperature but the huge room was as cold as a meat locker. Unless you were completely under the shower of water you were absolutely freezing! Add to that, the fact that it turned the rubber mat into a giant Slip-N-Slide. Every move we made sent us sliding out of control across the room.

Remember my ribs are already fractured at this point, I'm not sure if my toe is broken or not (I don't remember when I looked down, saw it pointing straight up in the air, and snapped it back into place). Tyler's jaw was already hurting and turning black and blue and he had teeth marks on his dick from where I bit it. In my defense, I thought it was his balls. In the last round, while pinned between his legs, the huge bulge of his crotch in the jockstrap was pressed against my face. I was so trapped that the only move I could make was with my mouth. So I bit his balls. But he was wearing his dick down and not up like I do... and I got his dick. Sorry Tyler!

The last photo in this set shows Tyler's last illegal move. He kneed me to the ribs. The ones that were already cracked. Ouch!!!! That's the move that lost him the match and gave me the winning prize... his ass! Photos from the Round 4 (where I get to fuck Tyler) will be up in my next post.

Round 2 - Featuring my flying chocolate starfish

This is the round where my ribs were cracked. Check out the 8th photo of Tyler body slamming me. That's the move that did it.

Question... Does anyone really need to see so much of my butthole? Sorry about that. :-)

Looks like Tyler has me beaten at the end of this round. But the "Water" round is next amd Tyler has already gotten 2 penalties for fighting dirty. Photos of us naked, wet and hard will follow in the next post featuring photos from Round 3.

Round 1

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

What the fuck.

You know... I wrote the main part of this post a couple of days ago and then just saved it. I didn't know if I was actually going to post it or not. But WHAT THE FUCK.

I am exhausted from dancing in the cage at Ramrod last night. It was a great night and I made some good money. Have to say it sucks watching everyone meet and flirt and hook-up while you are in a cage. 5am and the lights go on and it's just me. Rancid beer smell, bright lights, sore legs... just me.

I also had a pretty rude, but not unexpected, awakening, when I got a phone message from a friend asking if I was at the pool party at my best friends house yesterday. Ummm... Pool party? Ya... Pool party. I guess he forgot to invite his best friend. Not the first time. Definitely the last time though. And the when I see him tonight he says, "Oh... I thought you were working." OK fucker... You have been my best friend for about 2 years now and you know that I have never worked on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon ever. But.... whatever. I wish you the best. Whatever you choose to do with your life and whoever you choose to surround yourself with while you are doing that... I wish you the best. Really. No bad words will come out of my mouth about you. And if you ever need ANYTHING I will be there for you. You were my best friend (even though you made it abundantly clear I was not your best friend) and I will always cherish that. No chance that you will ever read this because, really... why would you? What would you get out of knowing anything about what I think or how I feel... my "friend"?

Right now I'm mellow from waking up at 4:00pm today and going for drinks with friends and dancing a bit. So now it's 10:00pm at night and I am sitting at home alone after 4 margaritas and 2 tequilla shots (no worries.. those drinks were over the course of the whole day and I was fine to drive home) and I am ready to hit the bed with my dog. So I'm going to click the "POST" button here and head to bed. Here goes... "click".

This is the post that I saved based on what happend a couple of weeks ago...
..............................................................................................

I have these oils stains on my driveway. They are pretty much the only evidence left that I unsuccessfully tried to share my life with someone for many years. Apparently, his car leaks oil. Funny, I never really noticed them till he was gone.

Tell me this... if after several months after breaking up with someone (this time because they cheated and then blamed you for "making them cheat") someone who you thought was the love of your life came back around telling you he had "reached a crossroad in his life" and was now sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. And if he did a couple of little, sweet things that took you off guard and made you think that maybe he actually had grown and had been able to open his heart, get in touch with his feelings and now had the ability to show love. (Something he could never do with you in the almost 8 years you were together.) What would you do?

You might tell him that you love him and always have. That you would do anything to try to have a solid, loving relationship with him for the rest of your life. You might tell him that he was the only one you wanted to have sex with and hold at night when you went to bed. That you wanted to spend your life as his partner, exploring the world and growing together. You might even tell him that you thought the two of you should spend some time with the rest of the world shut out. Reconnecting. Falling in love again. Learning to trust again. Remembering why you loved each other before all the anger and lies and hurt. You might actually be hopeful that this time things were going to finally work out.

What if his response was to say that he was actually learning to connect with his emotions and learning to express them and that the way he did it was by sleeping with people? That it made him open up to you and love you. That he was sure that if he kept sleeping with people that this would grow and that you should start to sleep with people. Date people. Open your heart to others because it would make you sure that you love him and ultimately make the relationship stronger. What would you think?

Would you think "Hey... that's a great idea!" Let's focus our energy on dating others and sleeping around and open our hearts to others while not trying to reconnect at all. That sounds like the perfect way to strengthen an extremely weak relationship!

Or would you think... "What the fuck?"

Well... What the fuck.

Seriously, What the fuck?

Is it me? Am I not getting it? Why can't I see any love or logic in that?

WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!

The stains on my driveway will come out if I work on them hard enough. The stains on my heart may take a little longer.