Saturday, August 16, 2008

Mamma Mia... That Sucks!

I went to see Mamma Mia last night after so many friends and coworkers went on and on and on about how great it was. One friend even said, "People were dancing in the isles!" Umm.... I think he was mistaken and what he really saw was terrified moviegoers running through the isles trying to escape the horror that is Mamma Mia the movie. God did this movie suck!

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time watching this train-wreck of a movie. But that was only because we were hysterical laughing at how bad the whole thing was. Even Meryl Streep couldn't save this one. Poor thing ran around singing at the top of her lungs, running up hills, jumping on beds, climbing on roofs, falling off of everything in site. I keep waiting to hear the loud snap as her hip shattered into pieces. How old were there freaking women? And those musical numbers with the nubile and horny young boys being seduced by the child molesting, shrieking old hags (yes, I said it... Christine Baranski is a shaking old hag no matter how much plastic surgery she is sporting) were very, very disturbing. I felt like I needed a shower to get the "Mommy, the old lady touched me in my bad place" feeling off of me. Ugh.

I don't understand why everyone complaining that Pierce Brosnan's singing was so horrible that it ruined the movie for him. EVERYONE in the WHOLE MOVIE couldn't sing for shit! The problem with Pierce's performance is that when he sang, he looked like he was severely constipated and a farm vet had his arm halfway up his butt trying to dislodge whatever was causing the blockage. Did it actually hurt him as much to sing as it did for us to hear him sing? I doubt it.

And one more thing, what the heck was up with Colin Firth turning into a big ole mo at the end and ending up with the very hot and very young boy? Where the hell did that come from? I'm sorry if you didn't see the movie yet and that spoiled the ending for you, but the whole thing sucks anyway, so I really couldn't ruin it more than the director did already.

So it's two thumbs way up the director's butt on this movie. Sorry if you disagree with my opinion and liked it. Really sorry.

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