GAYVN Awards here I come!

I finally make up my mind and booked my flights for the GAYVN Awards this weekend. I really wanted to go this year but I also knew that really can't afford it. So I ran it through my head a few hundred times and decided that going was the best thing for me right now.

First... I need a fucking vacation. Pretty much every one of my vacations for the last year has been a "work vacation". Fly to LA or San Francisco after work on Wednesday night... shoot on Thursday and Friday... fly back on Saturday. NOT a vacation.

Second... "Blue Movie" is up for 5 GAYVN Awards including "Best All Sex Film". I wanted to go last year when "Link: The Evolution" won that category and a whole bunch of other awards, but I didn't, and I really regretted not going. Of course, I am not nominated for any of my performances this year. Always a bridesmaid.

Third... I get to spend time with friends. I'm staying with my good friend Bo Matthews (I love that guy!) and hopefully he will have time for me this weekend. I'm also planning to do the Tailgate parties with my friends Race Cooper and Conner Habib.

Fourth... I need to network my ass! I live in a suburb just north of Fort Lauderdale and have NO CONNECTION to the porn world. And I don't have an agent. So the only way I can get myself noticed by the porn companies is to contact them. I'm a pretty shy person, so it takes a lot for me to do that. I'm hoping that I will run into many of the Directors and Porn Company Talent Recruiters this weekend, Maybe I will catch someones eye and they will put me in their next big film. Maybe I'll finally get a nomination for myself! Or maybe not. My photos are pretty much everywhere right now. Manhunt, BigMuscle, most of the porn sites. I have a LOT of stuff out there at the moment. I need to keep the buzz about me going and I can't do it from my sleepy little South Florida town.

Fifth... My heart is still aching. It's pretty much taking me everything I have to move forward right now. I am moving forward... it's just hard. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done (and I've done a lot of hard things in my life). So getting away and being with friends in an atmosphere that makes me happy will hopefully help heal me a little faster.

So if you attend any of the events, and you see me, PLEASE feel free to come up and say "Hi!" to me. Nothing would make me happier. I'm actually going to the awards ceremony by myself because I was embarassed to contact any of the companies that I've worked with this year and ask if I could buy a ticket in thier reserved block of seats. I would have LOVED to have been sitting with Steve Cruz and the guys at Falcon, just in case Blue Movie wins, or with Steven and Brent from Hot House because I really like those guys so much. So it's just going to be me... probably in the nosebleed seats. That's cool though. I just want to be there.

Here are just a couple of the internet ads out there right now featuring me.