It's Saturday night and this glamorous porn star is siting at home on his couch living the glamorous porn star life. Picked up some take-out sushi, heated up some sake, and finished it off with some hot chocolate while I watched the chick flick "Have you heard about the Morgans?"
I've actually rolled the rock from in front of the cave opening and rolled it on top of me. Close the safe space up a bit more. Guess I'll be digging a whole in the ground next, climb in, and roll the rock over on top of it.
I just went through all of the comments left the last couple of days and published them (hope I didn't delete any accidentally... sorry if I did). The last comment was from Michelle and it hit a nerve. She told me about how she became "the horrible one" after helping a friend who was addicted to meth and how, even though the situation was "completely different" from my current situation, she sympathized with me. Fact is... it not too far off.
My last posts have been these random, unexplained references to friends being out of control and the effects it was having on me. I might as well give a few details to connect some of the dots so that you guys don't think I'm a raving lunatic. Or at least more of a raving lunatic than I actually am. There are actually two situations and two separate, unrelated people causing my drama right now.
NOTE: I originally had two paragraphs describing what happened with "a friend" in New Orleans and that whole messed up situation. But I just got a nasty text message and some nasty emails with him calling me evil and horrible and threatening to call the papers and sue me. LOL. Sue me for what? Complaining about the way someone who is supposed to be my friend acted? Please! I don't need the drama. I want this person out of my life for good. I revised my post and took out the part that involved HIS drama. Not because I am afraid of being sued (that's just fucking stupid) but because I don't want any connection to this person any more and I want him to stop contacting me. Period. Now hopefully he will leave me alone once and for all. I tried. I tried really, really hard. Believe me.
The other situation started about 3 hours after I escaped from the place I was supposed to be staying (which somehow ended up with broken glass on the floor and blood on the bed that was supposed to be mine after I left). I used my phone to book a hotel (which I can not afford right now) and checked in. After a couple of hours of calming down I went out to one of the clubs to dance and let off some steam for a while. (Of course the whole time my cell phone was beeping with text messages of hate, love and suicide.) I planted myself in the middle of the dance floor, closed my eyes, and danced. While I was trying to get lost in the music I felt someone come up behind me and hug me. It was a friend of mine from LA. We hugged and both said how good it was to see each other again.
This encounter led to a completely unexpected encounter with a friend who is very important to me. Even though our relationship had been strained lately, he has and is the core of my life. And from this encounter I found out something that touched something very, very deep in me and pushed a very bad button. The friend brought up in conversation how he had been using meth.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! I have NO tolerance for that drug. Never have and never will. I have had to many people I love have their lives ruined by it. There is NO GOOD part about using the drug. And my friend knew, probably better than anyone else in my life, how strongly I felt about this. Of course my friend has his own free will and can do whatever he wants with his life.
We talked about the situation and it was bad. That is the very, very, very watered down version.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I GONNA DO? I couldn't stand by and watch someone I love. Someone who's been the most important person in my life for a long, long time lose everything. My friend was not going to listen to me. He knows my absolute opinion and when we talked about it he told me that I was just closed minded. That he did the research on it. That his new "friends" were very nurturing. He painted such a positive picture of his meth situation. I could not be the one to fix this situation, especially given the state of our relationship.
When I got back home I found out more about my friends meth situation. Took some photos as proof, and I acted. I sent a message to his best friend, sent him the photos, and asked him to call me immediately. When he called back I told him the whole situation. He was going to handle the situation. I told him to please let me know how it went and to keep me updated on the progress.
They talked and I got a message saying so. No details at all. I then got a message from my friend saying that a couple of his friends had talked to him and that he understood why I did what he did. We talked many times after that and it all ended with him not having a problem, but stopping anyway, and me being the closed-minded bad one.
I can't give details, but the situation has been rough. Messages coming at me from my friend with the meth non-problem. And I'm the bad guy.
Things settled down today. I got only one email from the original friend with the fake suicide attempt. He said it would be his last one and that he hoped one day I could forgive him and we could be friends. The friend with the meth non-problem hasn't messaged me today. I hope he is doing OK and I hope he gets his life back on track. I really do think this will work out OK for my friend and I really do think he will stop using. I pray he does and would do anything to help him in his tough times (which he say's he doesn't have any). His best friend who I trusted to take care of the situation has not contacted me even once to let me know what happened or what is happening.
Of course I can't stop thinking about it. Even the rock on top of me doesn't block out the thoughts.
UPDATE... The "last message" from my original friend was not the last message. It was followed by two videos via email and some hate messages and threats. And it's me that's the bad guy. If I'm such a bad guy why can't he just stay away from me and leave me alone?
5 months ago