Monday, February 14, 2011

Coming home

I flew home to my new home in San Francisco last night with my dog Cynder after a 7 day Atlantis gay cruise. (I posted a photo of her with her head poking out of the pet carrier bag at the airport last night.)

The week was filled with fun and parties and a huge amount of drama and sadness. I found out some really upsetting stuff that made me feel betrayed and lied to about my life over the last year or so. It was really big stuff. The kind of stuff that cause people to become jaded and not trust anyone ever again. I did my best to put it out of my mind and enjoy the cruise. And I can't say that I didn't have fun. But there was always the cloud of doom, regret and hurt hanging over it threatening to open up and drown everything in sorrow.

So I'm back at "home" now (actually I'm at work) and the thoughts that I tried to keep at bay during the cruise are invading my peace of mind. I'm trying not to obsess about them. To do my work and just wait until the shock and pain fade before I actually deal with them. If I dealt with them now I think I would go on overload and shut down.

I can't wait to get home to my dog and snuggle with her. Cynder is probably feeling just as lost, confused and alone as I am now as she sits in a strange apartment alone. She is really the only solid thing I have here since It's only been 3 months since I moved and it really is a blessing that she is with me now. She's here by my side as I start to build a new life with a new job in a new city. I hope to surround myself with good people and much love and peace.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope someone you love loves you back today.

13 comments:

alleen said...

Happy Valentine and a lots of love.
Glad that your dog is with you. Let the past the past and start your new live now.
Big hugs

Anonymous said...

Hi Nick,

I enjoy reading your blog from time to time, as well as checking out your work; always happy to see such a hot, sexy man, who also happens to be not only smart but also friendly and down to Earth.

I'm sorry to learn about the drama you encountered in what should have been a fun and relaxing cruise. I'm particularly saddened by it because, although I've not had the pleasure of meeting you, I can't help but feel that you truly are one of the good guys, (this in spite of your good looks and star quality, which so often turns many into real jerks.)

What can I say ... What goes around comes around ... Hang in there buddy, and keep true to your inner strength and to the fortitude of the good that is inherently in you.

"Illegitimi non carborundum!"

Wishing love, peace and strength,

Quentin

Sue said...

Nobody gets to hurt my NICK and lives to tell the tale! Let me know who did this to you and I will beat the shit out of them!!! How come people are so mean! Well, you just hug your Cynder, who is too cute BTW, and she will love you for sure! But so will we, your devoted fans! We are all your Valentines today!

:)

http://fairviewsue.wordpress.com/

Anonymous said...

Nick,
The best thing about time is that it allows you to accept the negative things in life eventually. You may not get over it but you will be able to accept it in time. I am sending positive energy to you for providing me with so much entertainment.
Kevin

rtmaster4all@yahoo.com said...

hug Cynder as I hug my Winston pup same breed as yours.....you have a new life so fuck the old one and anyone who has hurt you.... your where you want to be and will find a new love.....my 29 year partner and I wish you all the best

Stephen said...

Happy Valentine's Day (1 day late), and bear hugs. Sorry to hear that what should have been a wonderful, relaxing cruise was filled with so much drama. You've gotten a second chance, so as Kramer said on Seinfield (I'm paraphrasing)"Leave the past in the past, and gallop towards the future."

Anonymous said...

Dear Nick,
Loved watching you live at the Steamworks shoot on Jan 19th.Any idea when it will be released?

Anonymous said...

Dear Nick, Loved watching you live at the Steamworks shoot in January. Any idea when it will be released? Cheers, WD

blacknoon said...

Nick,
Belated Valentines day. Glad you got back home safe and sound with Cynder. Sorry someone raind on your vacation. Don't let such people ruin your life.

And one last thing off topic. Everytime I enter your blog and get popup to enter my username and password for http://www.wastedblogs.com. I don't know if someone hacked your site or did you put links in your blog site somewhere. Just a FYI.

B-

alleen said...

Hi Nick the samething that is happening to blacknoon is happening to me.

Anonymous said...

Nick- In life we will always have challenges and rewards, however we never know which will come first. Life is too short to dwell on the past. Luckily you are beginning a new chapter in your life, a new home and a new furry friend- celebrate the "new rewards". Look to the future and how you can make it even better for yourself and those you hold near an dear. Hugs- John

Anonymous said...

good luck &happiness to nick!

adkpagan said...

I'm with Sue. No one is allowed to hurt you without suffering the consequences. Between the two of us, I'm sure we could do some damage. Glad Cynder is back with you. I'm sure she is a great comfort. Stay strong!